I’m not so sure it’s such a good idea to talk to me

Then say there is trouble, or there is too much going on

Or you’r’e scared of commitment because it may break you

Like you win something by guarding yourself

As if protecting yourself is the safest option

Well it is of course, because it hurts when it matters

it feels like sickness through your bones when all your membranes

shatter

and it only hurts equally as much as it gave you feeling and worth and will

and nourishment and the wound is now only as deep as it was once was wide; it only kills you as much as it once fulfilled you inside

And this game we win by guarding ourselves;

not letting anyone in; if we opt out before it hurts us; then we are out on top

Well I don’t want to win that game

By following the safest option

I want to feel everything with all that its got

The total depth; the inexplainable; I want nothing less

I want to be so shattered that at the end of my life

There is nothing left

its ok if in one day, you wanna take the whole world on

and the next

stay under your blankets in bed

its ok if one day you wanna go out and chase your dreams

and the next

write a letter

saying you’ll catch up with them later

its ok to feel that you are alright, like you can make a difference outside

and the next

say next to me as you lay down

they will eat me alive out there; I know it now

it’s ok to be worried, and scared, and like you are not enough

but it’s not ok to ever let that stop you.

that is not ok.

why is there a windtunnel in my mind
that eats all my words
and leaves me with nothing but the
sound of broken thoughts blowing
through the wind
how do I begin
to even piece together the fragments
of thoughts barely formed? When you are
nothing nothing nothing more
Then something trying to fill an empty space
... because sometimes that nothing fills bigger than the something
the space follows you whole; watching yourself from the outside of
your skin
the darkness feels bigger than you
the feeling of sickness seems to poison the soul its
connected to
why does this empty space have to infiltrate the
best of me