visceral parts they, function with the
same consistency. hurry and complete me.

when we die, we become angels that help other people through life.

In pastel colors when the sun comes up
You think you're so much taller now the
Painkillers give you life.

So when you were sick I gave you daisies
Even though it sucked the life out of me
I get off on you



People always look smaller in hospital beds
But not you.
Watercolour veins, the prettiest shade.
Decorated with needles and kisses from
pretty nurses.






Morphine always takes your melancholy.
I'm sick to death of you being sick.
Daisies will stop growing in the ground if I keep on
Ripping them out for you!

I love hips.

I love hips. Even though mine hurt.
Rose hips are a fruit from a rose plant. Just as lucious as the real thing..

Happiness is that feeling you get that you want to keep feeling it . :)

Fell in love in a psych institution.

You've worn out your dancing shoes
I know it hurts and you're not bleeding just for the
Attention.
Won't you show me your insides?
The blood and all? Cause I want to whisper
"Don't do it.."
I can't clean up the stain on the floor
From the last time
you ingested the sweet cyanide.

.."why don't you look in the mirror.
and hate what you see.
Well thats what its like to be inside me"

How can I leave
When my way home is through you?
Put a razorblade on your tongue
And kiss me one last time
It's about time I grew some guts
And decided to die.

I'm sick of nurses and their medication
Sitting underneath a locked door.
Feel in love in an institution
Turns out Zoloft wasn't a resolution
She's in the bed next to me
And we've planned for 200 days

an oxycontin genocide
..or more like a double suicide..


And I hate her for trying to leave without me
I found her with half a heartbeat today.
Its ok
I've collected enough pills
To make today the day.

Die Young and Save Yourself.

I'd hate to be normal. *Shudders*

Waking from sleep, bought on my codeine
Nausea and arms around stomach
Dry blood on my pillow; sick sick
The price of morphine

Now now just to restart the heart
That they put to rest anyway.

If you've ever seen the clouds pink and decorated
Pathways ultraviolet.
The sparkle of the stars so close you can reach
out and touch them..

You would never want it to end.
I never want to go back to the world being
White again.

I know the sparkle inside your eyes was just the match i used to set myself on fire.

i found out today jacob blatchley reads this 'to see whats going inside my head' so for once i'll be honest & say im listening to the distillers and consuming too many of those hydralite saline iceblocks for some reason,,,





How could you look the way you do when we can do so much for you
A drug for eyes, a drug for hips , a drug to give you softer lips to kiss

A screw, a pull, a twist , the drug that makes you prettiest
It's just a few needles and a rusty butcher knife

Yesterday I danced with a ghost by her grave
Some guy with a needle in his arm decided she'd look prettier
With a knife through her spleen
She whispered that she fell, and it was a luxury
And she told me to open my eyes and see

How much more gorgeous the world was once you die..
And how elated it was just to say goodbye
'cause there's sickness in the air only death will help you run from
"Come on and cry..cry for the sadness that consumes your life"
Sweet ghost made my eyes bleed and she licked away the tears
Wrapped her arms around my arteries and pulled
Red serum falling from my wrists
Take a deep breath.
..'cause this is it.







And as midnight approaches and her hand becomes more warm
The feeling of death is sweet.

Champagne for my Real Friends
Real Pain For My Sham Friends.

The times between the grains, cutting into my stomach lining
...such dread. Hurting like childbirth. ache in the ventricles.
Push the packet in and break the skin
Desperate for the pleasure, life to begin

I can go each day and sleep at night.
I can live but I've already died.
I'm nothing. I'm endless on the inside.

The hypodermic scratches the inside of my vein
Pushing in the semblence, of bliss...that sleepy white haze
As I watch my innocence drift further away
Even my lips are quivering
So, euphoric, my heart beats faint

Sweet serum, moisturizing my arteries
The bevel, plunging in all of life's happiness
In a single dose
Takes me back to the moments
It made me dreamy comatose
And as my fibres get enlightened
My eyes beam with joy
My best friend has his arms wrapped so tightly around me
My head is laying against his heart
The beating sends a soft lullaby
That releases me into nothing but.
Light.

After heroin the world is just so
Dread, Rush
Pressure for dapper, luxe
Those worries they outside are forced to
Nurture. If only they
Knew.

Voices are whispering. Comforting
...'everything will be ok'
Are the inside. Or outside my mind?
It doesn't matter
Nothing else matters.

Every time we surrender to a vice, we get temporary relief. But the vice gets a tighter grip on us. Which do you prefer? temporary relief or freedom for life?

I know all about you. You make that pretty
girl's blood so tired it congeals.
And her pupils shrink to the size of my insides
As her head falls tenderly on her breast
It. Makes. Me. Sit. Down. And. Think.
About how many feelings are concealed
In that tiny syringe

So she wakes up, and in her eyes
I can see through the velvet that is embracing
her veins. She pours her heart out to me
And her eyes release her inside rain
When it's inside you,
Your head's naked.

She sits in bliss for 40 straight hours
Ignoring her arm's bloody showers
Asks me for a bandaid or half a dozen
And covers up the feeding holes
Of more and more voices

Its her own little Dr.Feelgood
The reason she still breathes
Her whole live is comprised into that tiny
Bevel. Every synthetic emotion
That helps her heart just swell

She chases after spiders that I can't see.
She sees beautiful sunsets, that don't
even seem real to me.
She can push a sharp so hard into her arm
And not even scream
She's a dirty, dirty junkie
But shes'
everything to me.

I know all about you. You make that pretty
girl's blood so tired it congeals.
And her pupils shrink to the size of my insides
As her head falls tenderly on her breast
It. Makes. Me. Sit. Down. And. Think.
About how many feelings are concealed
In that tiny syringe

So she wakes up, and in her eyes
I can see through the velvet that is embracing
her veins. She pours her heart out to me
And her eyes release her inside rain
When it's inside you,
Your head's naked.

She sits in bliss for 40 straight hours
Ignoring her arm's bloody showers
Asks me for a bandaid or half a dozen
And covers up the feeding holes
Of more and more voices

Its her own little Dr.Feelgood
The reason she still breathes
Her whole live is comprised into that tiny
Bevel. Every synthetic emotion
That helps her heart just swell

She chases after spiders that I can't see.
She sees beautiful sunsets, that don't
even seem real to me.
She can push a sharp so hard into her arm
And not even scream
She's a dirty, dirty junkie
But shes'
everything to me.

In between moments of, endless well being,
In the middle of jabs
When feelings are real. They transcend,
But only transpire when my veins
Aren't on fire.

They're all synthetic.
It's all a huge facade
But i'd rather the needle in my stream
Then have to live through
my
only
true
feelings.

Sometimes you hurt so much, I don't know how to move
Sometimes you wrapping your lips
Around my hips; Sucking dry, the scars
The needle left on my arm
Is like the saline, I need
...'cause the poison has drained me.

You fall down the staires like a
Huge blow up doll. I can't decipher
if you're real; or a synthetic
love. A needle infection
or a love affection? The love of my life
Or the hullicinations of my mind

Through the window, the sun is playing with your hair
I can hear your skin screaming
Calling for true rays; and not
the fake. The 'feeling' of light running
through your veins.
It's just not the same.

We're God's malfunctioned angels
'cause i swear he was the first to
Push the needle in my arm!
If I believed in time machines
I would of run away from the dark

Once I saw the future in your eyes
But now I'm sick.
Because, the future exists
And now matter how much I blow into
My broken stream,
It never seems to kill me.
It just won't let me leave.

Sweet Weakness.

I'm trying.
I'm trying to see that silver lining.
I'm drawing the images in my mind
Of the door to escape into another time,
When my blood wasn't synthetic,
and my heart beat for the fun of it.
When sunlight used to nourish my skin
...memories.

It looks after me like an angel.
And I alone slain my whole family.
My life. My dreams; My insides.
The elixir of the veins.
So when I just forget to breathe
I hear it scream! Oh the need.
The need to grip that syringe
And push it so deep even my bones
Bruise.

It wraps it's arms around my arteries
Like a blanket when the windows fog up
In the cold. It gives warmth into every
Fibre of my body. It breathes life
Back into me.

And as my lungs fill up with pain.
I can't exhale, I can only take in more
Of everything I want to be.
Well I'd rather bleed then be without it.
The people out my window look in at me with
Sympathy.

I'm getting sicker. I rub my arm so the pain
Will go away. From the infection
This needle stabbing into the crease like a blade.
Every morning with the taste
Of sick down my throat.
Everyday I lower the casket deeper
Filled with the parts of me that still have life.

Oh I wish God denied.
Use once and destroy.
Use once. And say
Goodbye.

It's winter. And the voices won't go away.
Sometimes I wish the cold
Would blow their words away.
Maybe in time. I wonder.
That the bevel wouldn't make me crawl
And push in that sharp. To escape it all.

The feelings bliss. It wraps it's feelings
Around my lips. Like his passionate kiss
Before it made him leave.
I'm complete, when I can see the bone
Cause when my needles inside me.
I'm no longer alone.

The passing through the clouds
The warmth of the sunlight against my veins
Yesterday I was in prison.
My needle, it's helped me escape.
When the world paints you as a disasterpiece
It's the voice in your ear
That tells you it's your life
...and i'll always be here'

So now when I fall. With a thud onto the ground
And stare into the container
Where the heroin is no longer found
I wrap my arms around my legs
Make myself a rocking chair.
Because my heart just won't beat again
Until,
it's lifeblood is there.

From Ages 8-18

I did this as a Health Experiences assignment for uni, it got published and put up on display. I wonder how many people actually read it? Not many, I think.




They threw them at my face
The white coats,
In a tiny little jar they came
A thousand concoctions of chemicals
To make me sane
I’d take them every morning
And be subject to their prodding
“These pills will make you normal. They’ll help you. You’ll see”
‘Cause apparently I’m not normal.
They said it’s A.D.D

But I woke, my blood a little sleepy
These pills... they locked me away. Every inch of my existence
Feeling it change
They left me spinning in the memories
Of the person I used to be


So Mum took me back
To the men with all the charts
Said something was wrong
And I got a brand new jar

These ones sent these chills through my bloodstream
Kept me awake all night
Trying to conceal the sadness that welled up inside

They wouldn’t let me eat
It hurts to feel your ribs ache against your skin...
But I could barely fill my stomach
With anything



And I told them how I felt.
On those therapy chairs
I said, “I don’t remember myself,
My veins are leaking chemicals...”
But instead of stopping
And talking to me
They pushed more drugs
Into my bloodstream




So every week a brand new box
That sent my mind in vicious knots
Every synthetic emotion in the space of a day
Anger. Euphoria. Love. Pain



They still couldn’t fix me
And never knew why. How odd it must have been
An arrangement of chemicals
Couldn’t fix my mind?


“It must be you...”
I was always the reason why.
Words never failed, because they never tried
To ask me how I felt, to detangle my mind




So now I just dream of escaping
I’m outnumbered by this chemical army
Those white coats keep pushing into me
Swallowing these pills
That sleep my sleeps.
That dream my dreams.
That’s taken all the life
Out of me.

His footsteps clouded my vision
As I sat with the blade.
Reaching into my insides
Wrapping its silver around my blades.
Yesterday I lost my closest friend
Now I just wish time would end.
Yesterday I lost the life inside my heart
And now I must
Follow him into the dark.

Peace

Once I crawled up a tree
There was a spider in my hair
He wouldn't let go of me
He tried to suck the blood
Off the crease of my arm
...I knew he'd die.
He'd die.

Once I hid under the floor boards
I tried to escape my tears
But I found more needles.
More teaspoons of blood.
More reminders of my only love.
I ran. I hit my head on the floor.
It turned black.
Black.

Once I ran up a hill
I tried to make my own silence
But my heart beat a tattoo in my chest
And I couldn't run without tripping
I couldn't stand without slipping
I pushed the lever into my arm
I pushed the sunlight into my veins

Once it was night time
I sat in bliss all day
The stars fell into the ground
I tried to pick them up
They burnt me.
It soothed my aching bloodstream
I could hear it scream
Give me what I need.

Once I tied a rope around my neck
I only had one more needle worth
The slipknot massaged my bleak insides
Bleak.
I jumped.
Now I feel.
Peace.

So Long Before

"I can't hear the music"
On her hands and her knees, ears laid against
The ground
Feeling the vibrations around her she fell
It must have been that poisonous liquid
That made her stomach swell

Dread encased her skin,
Hiding the burn. The ache.
The guilt of her sin.

To the needle she caressed
Give me a case of the sleeping sickness.
The spiderwebs in the wall. Glared.
Drinking in her pain,
...'i wish the winter would go away'
She wished she would .......go away

To leave into the real world
Rob some sunlight.
Inject true feeling into her blood
Balmy nights go to waste
Synethic emotion, grips her
Veins.

Up he up there was laughing at her
She climbed up the wall
Spleen pumping blood quicker then her
Arm bled.
Down the end of the room
Her needle set the scene
Of where she punctured her arm so hard
She couldn't stop the bleed.

They were laughing at her!
The family portraits. Faces of those
She had long neglect.

Her hallucinations were etched
with a memory of before.
So long before.

I can feel
The lining of my stomach.
Its vessels bursting.
It's aching. Softly.
Sorely.

Yesterday I held an empty bottle
It felt so light in my hands
I pushed my palms together so hard
I cut myself, on the glass

The poison is the summer
Takes away the pain of the season
The time for coats. and colds.
The time for blankets. And hurting
To be alone.

If looks could kill
Well, my mirror would be in pieces
And my heart.
Not beating.
And my addiction
More hidden.
And my voices.
Softer spoken.
And my insides.
So broken

If God granted us three wishes
I'd wish on only one thing
The wish to disappear
The wish to not exist.

I can taste the glitter in my veins

I can taste the glitter in my veins
It eats away at my insides
Like broken stars.
The sparkle to my heart
Wraps it's hand around it. Tight
Reminds it to beat
Beat through the night.

I can feel the strap around my arm
The crease
It forgets to bleed
These days.
My insides, are falling away
My bloodstream calls for its
Peace.
Its disease.

The needle.
It sits. A tablespoon of blood
Cradling it's bevel
It calls for me
It ripped the sparkle from my eyes
It's every
Fibre of my life

It hurts to lacerate my arm
With that
...that god forsaken sharp
When it slashes, I shake
I can feel my veins.
My arteries. They break.

The bandaid only covers
The tiny hole. I am broken.
I am the ones who bleed.
I can't escape.
It's the only life in me.

No one's gonna stop her...

So let her stomach leak onto the floor
Her mummy would cry if she knew
Her only daughter was a junkie
She worked all week, and all night
To space out under some flashing lights

And they stare at her as she walks down the street
She pulls her jumper over her arms
A little facade for those nuisance track marks
She sure loves the devil
She sure loves a hit
She loves every moment of inebriation
Every minute of that hit

So if she wants to inject
At the signal of the weeks end
Who are we to judge. Her stomach aches
A bitter taste on her tongue
No point in crying, over a grave already dug.

Silhouetted by the moonlight,
She stands. The grave stones lined against her
With a broken bottle in her hands
On her tongue the poisons dance
Anymore and her heart will just...
Stop.

Escape

She doesn't sleep very much,
She bled a tablespoon of blood,
It kept her up.

The tissue wrapped a little tight
She pressed down harder
All her insides burning, calling for
her murder

He lined some blades on his tongue
And kissed her gently. Careful to draw blood
It fell softly. Into his palms
It sparkled like her eyes used to.
Oh, they sparkled.

She stared at the mirror
And layered her lipgloss on
It stopped the blood. She bleeds only
the pink liquid now.

Even Her veins flowed with a touch of despair
Desperate to escape
With the next artery she tears
.........."I wish I could just walk,
Right out of this world"

is it bad.,
do you think, if i load myself up.
and have a drink, at say 12.pm in the day? it is afternoon after all,

It's Been my Dream to watch you Burn From the Inside Out

Let's set ourselves on fire.
I'll take the sparkle right out of your eyes,
If your heart remembers to beat tonight
I'll douse you in the prettiest gasoline
It's been my dream
To watch you burn from the inside out
You force fed me your poison
I inhaled it straight from your mouth
I want to forget you were ever here,
at any time...
Erase you forever from my mind

'cause it's been so long since I have bled.
Since I inhaled air. Or felt the skin thats on my cheeks
And shut my eyes to make them wet.
You said I was pretty dead.
But I don't feel that beautiful,
what happened to those nights we said
...we'd love eachother forever.

This walls are drinking us in
The sky, watching over
It'll rain on my parade.
It'll re-lite all this pain

I know it'll break your heart.
To see what I have down
It took the life out of me
To sew your lips right up

I'll put my hand over your soul
I'll make sure you're all warm
...I just can't take your heart anymore
You'll take mine to the grave
...I just can't take you anymore
This murder. This Life. It's you.
I love.
I hate.

Pass it to me. Quick.
Words are starting to run through me.
A voice I pushed to the back of my mind
That tells me to slow down.
"This poison is not nice!"

im fucking insane.

The Monster is Eating my Dreams

So what if once I used to have dreams?
It was only silly lipgloss I used to bleed.
Now it all runs deep.
My pain. This prison I have locked myself into.
I scream, this monster inside
My captor.
I'm hostage to a liquid.
A monster full of sex. Love. Passion. Happiness.
This monster
With an awful comedown. A tight bandage mark
Scars my once tender arm.
Now so full, of purple scabs.

I cant find room anymore.
My whole body is one huge sore.
Every piece of my skin has been jabbed
Every inch of my soul has been eaten up

This monster hides under my bed
As soon as I shut my lids he stares
He calls. He sends this chill through my veins
And once again, the syringe calls my name.

So what if once I was full of dreams?
I lost them when I gave myself this jab.
It gave me more hope and feeling
Then life could ever have.

And maybe it's the heroin talking.
It must be.
Cause once.
I was full of dreams.

So, you want to make a memory?
I suppose if memories remained in my mind
And weren't lost under light filled skies
On those nights I sat alone
And stuck the needle right to the bone
Then I was joined
By a strange semblance of happiness.
I promised. Made so many promises.
.."last time. last time. last time"
I replayed this scene on and on in my mind
Where I could dream, sleep, breathe.
Without the help of this sharp.
That forever, forever has a hold of my heart.

I guess I could make a memory
If I lived off my own air.

Hear the Victrola
Lost in the attic. Haunted by the shadows
The shadows of who we used to be
Lost in some section of our memories
They told us love would tear us apart
But now we know.
It was never our love for eachother
It's our love for the drugs.

And remember ..if you can
How we would lie on the bench
Taking turns to inject
The colourful poison.
The vengeful poison.
The nourishment of my heart.
Kept it beating.
Beating.

Can you hear our footsteps
When we were young
When the only high we knew
Was love?
We were so innocent
Not scarred by time
And now. We are
No longer divine.

I remember your bright complexion
And pretty blue eyes
Now their lost
In a world of deceit, sleep and lies.

Because it takes me 50 hits
Before I can breathe
It takes a dozen pills
And a line before I can believe

And I'd be living a fantasy world
If I ever thought
I could break free
Maybe its the drugs talking for me
But I think it's true
It's a new me.
And it's a whole new you.

Survivor.

I'm hanging by my noose. Spinning the hours away
Dread is, sleeping, or passing out sounds more like me
Wondering if.
Your heart will beat the night through.

And when my eyes aren't shaking enough to read
I go through magazines. I want to live like what I see.
If only I could.
Wake. Clean. Work.
It's now.
Unconcious. Shot. Dirty. Shot.
Get all the junk dropped off.


I want to love you.
You feed my dreams
Keep nourishing my veins
You're the only life in me.

I want to scream.
Quit robbing me!
Stop invading my veins
You're killing me

And now the winds blowing
And my noose wraps tighter
I could never call myself
a 'heroin survivor'

Sometimes. I don't know why I'm even alive.

And today lasted. As long as yesterday's
Poison ran through me.
It got lost in the holes I made in my arteries
When I was young and still full of dreams.
Its bruised. Swollen. Sore.
But it hurts, much less than withdrawal.
Cause that would certainly be tough
Being denied..from my first and only love.

And she's like. Some warm embrace
Ebony hair, lips like diamonds
She screams, she pleads
My arm hurts less than withdrawal would, anyway.

And everyday she calls for me
Like a dancer in all my dreams
And I push the needle right to my veins
I push I push her pain away

I see her running
Her cigarette burns like rubies
I hold her close to me
She sets my bloodstream on desire
Every inch of my existence
Euphoric in her fire

I lie and feel her wrap her arms wrapped tightly
Smiling at the life she has created for me
My little Dresden Doll the soul of my being
Her package is the needle.
Her insides, the colour of synthetic.

As she calls for my blood
I could never deny
She feeds my veins. She nourishes my insides.
When she's gone, and I'm alone
I push that needle, 'til it hits the bone
She comes for me.
She comes.

When she leaves
It hurts like hell. As all my insides
Bruise. Pulsate. And Swell.
And I stare at the empty needle
Wishing she was back inside.
The girl of my dreams.
The only thing keeping me alive.

It Takes the Years Out of You..

It takes the years out of you. To watch. To wait.
To sometimes anticipate
I planted the seed in my arm
Long before, it clasped itself
around my heart

And I woke every morning
My blood a little sleepy
Trying to remember the last ten or so years
It takes the life out of you
When you cant remember the last time
You etched a memory that remained
And wasn't injected away

If only I believed
In time machines. When words arent shaky
Enough to read
The message 'never regret' seems to repeat
How can I not regret
Sucking in the poison
That sleeps my sleeps.
That dreams my dreams?
That kills my peace?

The cordon like arm belt that wraps so tight
Sometimes I forget to take it off before the night
Maybe if my arm drips off
The chemicals will have no way in
But that's, just wishful thinking.

It's a succubus
It's the enemy.
It's taking all the life.
Out of Me.

You must have lost your way...
You promised you'd be here when I awoke
Cause this house is full of empty bottles
And the remnants of who we used to be
When everything was as it seemed
When we were so young. So full of dreams
You must have lost your way.
Yes.

Addict.

How many times must I dream of escaping.
Some self locked prison, where the meth threw the keys away
Off into some ocean, I'd never find.
Never find an exit, of this hell I've created
I was outnumbered, by a crystal army
Of lust, happiness, and bliss.
They shot me down. Every last grain.
Every inhalation another blow
To my brain.

Buried Way Too Shallow

Pressing my palms against her chest
Theres no heartbeat.
I'm such a sucker for girls.
Who wish to drink themselves to death
Throw back the bottles
By midnight it's halloween in the eyes of us
By standers.

Another swig to drown the screams inside her head
It puts them to sleep, if only for an hour
And her skin will hide the fact she's dying
But inside her soul was taken.

"i wanna rest in pieces
You can have my heart and my soul..."
Her hands stay warm. They reach inside me.
They wrap around my heart.

And she gets on her knees.
She pleads. Pleads. Pleads.
"When I stop breathing. Don't kiss me better"
And her arm lifted. I wished her veins would stop leaking.
I knew there would be blood.

Her cuts turned to gray.
The grayest shade of sick. The grip on the bottle lessened
We watched it fall away.
You've found a world now.
Where no body can hurt you anymore.

And she shut her eyes.
The cut on her eyelid weeping tear drops.
I knelt beside her . She wouldn't wake up ever again.
Her body was cold.
Her cheeks like ice.


But her hands wrapped around my heart.
Were always warm.

I feel cheated. They said when I died I'd be able to laugh.
They sewed my lips up, I can taste the blood.
It's like visual cocaine for those watching in.
Eye candy.
Who said you couldn't make an innocent girl
The perfect killer?

The First Cut is Always the Deepest.

Didn't I tell you? The first cut is always the deepest.
But I promise. It hurts more and more.
When the scar tissue wraps tighter. Lick your lips in pleasure.
Oh you will.
Watching your skin rip off, is just the warmest pain
A pretty purple scar, our monetary gain.
Cherry flavored blood. The surprises keep coming.
Don't tell me, this isn't better then your first orgasm.

And society will say. Stop it! Don't hurt yourself.
They'll try to lock you up. Straightjacket. Take away your trusty razorblade.
But don't listen. They're full of lies.
They won't care for you, like your friendly butcher knife.
Will you let them try to tell you how to live your life?


Never tell them our little secret.
When you cut that gash in your arm. Pain is shooting like a star
Happiness is really just a gash away.

And when you come home and feel like crying
Ignore the tears, and give your wrist a slicing

Thank God we know, I suppose. Rather kick the bucket
Than break this heart warming habit!
If only the world knew...
How opening your veins can do so much for you.










lol, today, i must have forgotten to take my sanity pills! what is this!

Audrey Hepburn ... Addicted

Can you count the times, she runs her tongue over her teeth
Bent hips. Cracked lips. She's a regular Audrey Hepburn. So she says, anyway.
She'd kiss you, if you'd let her.
She can't exist anymore'. Ignore her.
Today, it's just the way the medication makes her.
If she dares tell you she's bipolar
Just laugh politely. Agree.
She'll kick you straight in the stomach.
Searching for her youth. She'll tell you anything but the truth.
Your heart is a joke to her.
It's only an organ' she'll whisper.



But for some reason I cant take my eyes off her
Something about insane girls makes my blood run warmer.

The First Time You Have to Relax!

her footsteps echoed. shaking the foundations
of her crimson ballet shoes
She dug her heels in deeply, and gripped her nails tight
her palms becoming sweaty, but hanging onto her knife

the door creaked open slowly
her heart thumped in her ears
her veins pumped her bleeding around her arteries fast
As she threw that butcher knife
Threw it quicker then her last

It hit
And blood, kind of went everywhere
Back and forth. It even hit the walls
Splattered motionlessly.
Made a pretty picture.

One down. A few couple of hundred million to go.
She'll make them all pay.
She'll make them pay for her pain.

You know who you are.

Please ask your veins to stop leaking.

Their Precious Complexions Will Turn To Rotting Flesh

her heart beat a tattoo in her chest
as the butcher knfie shined under the light
drops of crimson highlighted on its shiny silver
that left her with a shiver
she stared at his body, limp, lifeless. his eyes clouded
with the fear of God
Her stomach ached a little;
Her bloodsteam pulsed like shockwaves
Sending her arms shaking.
And the knife more inviting.
Her tender cheeks turned the colour of pale
Pink cheeks now bloodstained
And a hint of regret, but *****. It was better then anything.
Better then an orgasm!

She stared, a tiny smile formed her glossy lips
as she wiped her bloody hands on her fine hips
Applied her mascara, and gently
Wrapped his body. Up. In the prettiest lace.
And gave him one last kiss on his face.

With that dull ache still between her legs
And fear of the unknown; she ran for home.
And layed in bed. Quiet & alone.
Her insides rotting away;
Her heart just about to burst.
One day women will become monsters.

Strung Out

we just glitter. ignore the glare from the streetlight.
her lips, so chapped. you can almost see the blood
How hard she is biting down on her tongue
They took the sparkle from her eyes
Used it as the match to set her on fire

Stomach bursting. Cells exploding. Floor shaking
A broken syringe. Its reusable though.
And her long her brushes against her collarbones
Which begin to ache
Yesterday happened. But what in it
Raped Raped Raped.
Probably. But she had a shot before work
A little lemon with a twiste of vodka
It hurt, it burnt
But oh it felt so good!

Theres some scars up her arm
Cant remember from when or where
Maybe it was a razorblade? Or a butcher knife? Or a Friend.

I'll Call Her Audrey

the raindrops falling from her eyes
soaks the makeup she uses to hide
everything she has locked inside
and we look to her heart and attempt to pride
its secrets away
as she sips her champagne
and leaves the lipstick on the glass
its blood red.
so full of life
without it shes so drained
without it we can see her pain

the waterproof mascara begings to trickle
as she rubs her eyes so delicately
with the grace of angel but the anger of the devil
they both take a hold of her
Duelling with eachother on both sides of her shoulder
She cant listen to one
And ignore the other
So she drowns another glass
And sits alone in the dark

She traces every bone structure
Her collarbone, her hips
She runs the tiny razorblade
Across her soft lips
The blood looks black only in the dark
But darkness or night
Its black like her heart

Nictone fix and a drop of a pill
Another cask of whine
She can only sit still
And we wonder
We wonder why

Show Girls

And they smile like mannequins
Their lips shimmering like diamonds
And you'd never know
The gun they have held to their back
So they stand up straight
Because life is perfect
Life is so well
This is life as a Hollywood Girl

They hide the cuts on there arm
So cleverly as the camera flashes
Lighting down their perfect skin
Hiding away t heir tragic sins
And their hair glides across the air
In slain perfection
As their fans look at them
With such deep affection

But when they go home
And they lay all alone
Cut themselves only to bleed lipgloss
They wonder what it is they want
Well i'll never be as pretty as you
So they paint their faces with shades of grey
Because thats how they feel inside
And these lives of these showgirls
...They all just lied

I Can Bleed Lipgloss I bet You Can't!

Well, she'd rather bleed lipgloss
But who could blame her
She used to be so beautiful
Bone structure that screams to be felt
Living in some fake euphoria
With boys that tell her they love her for her

Shes just a little piece of garbage
In some precious glitter box
Drowning in her memories
Of a world she wishes she forgot

Well no emotion can escape her face anymore,
really
Underneath the snow white concealer
If only it could conceal her insides she dreams
Thankgod its only her outside we can see

But, when tears glass her eyes
Thats when you get a glimpse of her inside
Even her bloodstream flows with a touch of despair
Just waiting to escape, with the next artery she tears

Well, when she cries she still looks prettier then most
And i guess thats all this world cares about
Who cares if you cut your life short?
As long as you leave a beautiful corpse.

she ran her teeth over her lips
pressing down to draw some blood,
and it dripped motionlessly, like
Her heartbeat.

Her fangs pressed neatly
Into the corner of her mouth.
Just like a pretty picture,
Drawn by a drug addict, of course.

Her victims lay stunned.
Welcoming death with open arms.
The darkness looking so inviting.
An escape from this pain.

Mummy when I grow up I wanna be a heartbreaker"
Quit wearing your skin like its too tight.
You re not a KEnnedy
You'll never kiss the cheeks of heroes
Dreams to be some army of personalities, which the world couldn't resist.
You're bleak bleak bleak .

Oh how I celebrate this mediocracy
Itsv been close to weeks, months maybe years
Since this needle has left my arm.
Its making my blood a little sleepy, I think my heart forgets to beat sometimes, but only sometimes.

Its paranoia of voices.
From the inside, the outside, its harder to decipher now.

This chemical army is more then kind to my happiness bubbles...they explode at a rate god never intended for us.

I wish I wish I wish I denied.
Cause since the first hit.
I've been dead inside.

Love as Forbidden as the Fruit God Tempted Adam and Eve with

Alive
Alive only to bleed, a static of motion
Eyes wide shut. Blood red lipstick
Stains his pink lips
They hang on the ledges
And she draws a little blood
But it tastes so good
His wings soft as silk
And her eyes so bloodshot

Sin.
Sin against their kind.
An angel and a vampire.
Held together by time.
His tender hand runs across her jagged spine
And she moves in an orgasm
Kissing deeper everytime
And although his head dissaproves
His heart cant help but stare

Her eyes grow small, as his stay fixated
Each of their insides burning
From the sin they have created
His skin is so tender, his wings so soft
Her bones are so hard, her feelings so lost
Laying in eachothers arms
Sucking blood.
Building hearts.
In their reflection, they have no flaws
But we would never see it that way
.

and she whispered something
cigarette in hand, and 'accidentally' dropped it
just to burn her skin
So she could feel something
something more then pain
some burning sensation, to wash it away

and her gentle skin bears the scars
of nights she slashed more then her arms
she sang some pathetic song
so people would turn her away
then so they would leave, a swig of cheap champagne

laying in the gutter, vomit down her side
and she just thinks, 'how am i still alive'
fiftly-million pills and a pocket full of knives
our little angel survived another night

and just so shes not hungover
she'll drown another flask
we stare and wonder how long this high will last
got no feelings, except desperation
desperation for more lacerations

she was our little angel
long before the first joint
with a couple of boys from middle school
who thought she was 'alright'
and they got her high
higher then the sky
but she never really came down

everybody's little angel
her wings cut to the bone
our little princess is destined to be alone
and she'll carve another wish
along her scathed wrist
a wish to be dead
a wish to not exist.

A Vampire's Lament

Tragedy. It aches.
Like the sun, it hides
From me. God help me
Im so tired.
And how my insides die
My heart kind of forgets to beat
Poison.
Seeps through me
Cut up her wings. The feeling reminds me
Guilt eats me
Imprisonment. They locked me away

And how my bloodstream thickens
It kils me
I'd rather a butcher knife straight through my spleen
Then have her in my arms again
The way she was.
Like an angel heaven gates opened up for
And a trail of blood
Simming down her neck.
It stained the concrete.
I could never wash her blood off

So i painted our walls in the prettiest shade of red.
But it was the wrong colour
It had a touch of our love
It was the wrong blood.
Jesus. My insides.
It should of been mine.
Help me
God Please.
Kill Me. I hate this immortality
The only one i have is my shadow
Who still hides from me
This nightmare.
6 feet under. Is a luxury.

this makes no senseeeeeeeee

"Take a seat" she said so politely
With her ballet shows wrapped around her feet
She stuck a cigerette in her mouth
And sucked it so hard; it nearly blew out

She pulled her hair back out of her face
And her pupils dilated, strained by the light
Her lips were glossy, yet so chapped
And the bruises she had, from more then a slap

"Want a drink?" she finished with a smile
And I nodded almost mechanically, so spellbound
She walked away and the blisters caught my eye
The back of her legs so scarred in time

She sat down with me and sculled her wine
Then she poured another glass, i hadnt even touched mine
The poison fell down the back of her mouth
And she stared into nothingness, as if no one was around

Bracelets the sweet facade for arms so sliced
Nights she sat alone with her butcher knife
"Life is lonely" she whispered, talking to herself more then me
As her fingernails dug until her hands would bleed.

I wrapped my fingers around her hand.
She shuddered.
And pulled away.
"You'd never love me," "Not while I'm this way"

But she was wrong.
Oh so wrong. I can't let her run.
Because, I had already fallen in love

If You Bleed Anymore You'll Drown Hawaii

She's crawling through the special garden of insanity
With her teeth pressing down on her lips
Drawing enough blood to drown Hawaii
Just a few syringes, hanging from her hips.
Her heart was larger then life
If not entwined by razorblade vines
Two stones to kill two birds at once.
One butcher knife for the voices.
One for her spleen.
Bleed well, darling. Once the sun rises,
Your wound will begin to ache.
If your heart remembers to beat, that is.
Don't let the world spin like clockwork,
We'll stop it. Tonight.
I'll lock you in a dream.
Lock you away.


I promised I'd be with you forever.
So let's learn how to die together.

Remember That Night I Killed You?

Hey.
Remember that night you and me we laid side by side
And i stabbed your spleen, with my knife?
Then we snorted fifty lines
And i sat and watched you die

Then we laughed and kissed and ********
You hit me so hard I couldn't sit up
And i had a black eye, and a bleeding nose
My world was dizzy, and you broke a few more bones

Then when I woke up
I grabbed my gun. I shot you right under your lung
And the blood saturated my kitchen floor
But i couldnt help myself, I shot you some more!

Then when you stopped bleeding you grabbed my head
And threw me like a rag doll into the bed
You kissed my neck and traced my hips
Then you bit like a vampire into my lips

It felt so good; but i wanted more.
I grabbed a razorblade, and pushed you to the floor
Picked the bluest artery, and took a slash
And watched in orgasm at the bleeding gash

You couldnt move, and I sat in the blood
I drowned in it. But I was in love.

She Drinks Like It's Going Out of Fashion

She buys the bottles like its going out of fashion
Clear yet so inviting. Like the time she threw her guts up in the alleyway
It still feels like the first time
She took the poison to her lips
It gave her more of a rush, then any boy's kiss
and she couldnt resist
Another glass of bliss.

As the nights grew longer, the bottles got lighter
More and more got smashed.
Smashed.
Emptier.



Just like her.
Empty.
Empty.
Empty.

You Can Never Sleep.

Have you ever. Been so hurt. Your stomach guides you to those we have left behind.
It wishes to be felt at peace.
When al lyour options have been exhausted, a shallow grave
Gives you sleep.
You could never sleep in this world.
Everytime your heart beat you convulsed.
Redcheeked, blistered from ice tears.
When your body just forgets to produce the warmth it needs.
To co-exist with this cruelty.

At the night when the makeup comes off your face.
It can hide the scars on the outside, thats true.
But the scars of time seem to shine through.
Like a poison that invades your veins.
No amount of pills could put it to sleep.
You can never sleep.

You know it's for sure.
You would be much prettier dead.
Those purple eyes, God blessed you with wouldnt be clouded anymore.
Finally, you could close them.
Rest your palm gently over your bruised heart.
And Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.






I'm gonna rain on your parade tonight.
It's lovely how you'd love to chose the easy way out.

Luminous.

her eyes fogged up like the windows in winter
as the poison burned her tender throat
another glass of cheap champagne
and her stomach began to bloat.
kissed the glass against her crimson lips
she felt her chest rise, but forget to fall
and her heels blistered painfully
as she pressed them into the floor
yet she smiled so politely, the leggings to cover the scars
of lonely nights that she spent
slashing more then her arms
All her guests stared longingly
at the glitter in her eyes
and wondered how they sparkled so bright
all the time
They kissed her cheek with envy
And drank only the finest wine
But all she needed was a cask of red
and a few hundred lines

Miss Perfect, Miss Glamerous
Not so happy underneath

Her final guest leaves, longing for her life
Wishing she was her, only for one night

Another bottle, and a dim light room
Call this life? .
I do.

Dissociation is an act of disconnecting, locking the memory or pain in a 'suitcase' and storing the 'suitcase' in the back of the brain..a separate identity to hold memories and emotion





I am jealous. That they have found a place they can run to?

That their insides are incapable of hiding away so they can't be hurt
That their insides have found that place where bad memories can hide.
We can't do that.
They're truly gifted.

I know it sounds hollow and tasteless..
But your lips look so lucious tonight
And when I sink another drink, you'll still stay on my mind
Cause I can't help but visualize and to ease my desire
To grab my butcher knife, and cut up your liver.
Then we l trade places...and you can bury me alive
So long as your hand is in mine
Im sure ill survive.

Living, this whole concept of life is way too
...overrated
It's to cliche for the both of us to dream together
Making plans to love forever
Even when they dig our graves to shallow
We'll be hand in hand
Watching the sun rise, rise and forget to fall
We'll get married in a bone garden
Surrounded by those the world left behind
I hope these dreams follow through
I wish for you more then I wish for disaster.

We can learn alot from watching...