Sometimes. I don't know why I'm even alive.

And today lasted. As long as yesterday's
Poison ran through me.
It got lost in the holes I made in my arteries
When I was young and still full of dreams.
Its bruised. Swollen. Sore.
But it hurts, much less than withdrawal.
Cause that would certainly be tough
Being denied..from my first and only love.

And she's like. Some warm embrace
Ebony hair, lips like diamonds
She screams, she pleads
My arm hurts less than withdrawal would, anyway.

And everyday she calls for me
Like a dancer in all my dreams
And I push the needle right to my veins
I push I push her pain away

I see her running
Her cigarette burns like rubies
I hold her close to me
She sets my bloodstream on desire
Every inch of my existence
Euphoric in her fire

I lie and feel her wrap her arms wrapped tightly
Smiling at the life she has created for me
My little Dresden Doll the soul of my being
Her package is the needle.
Her insides, the colour of synthetic.

As she calls for my blood
I could never deny
She feeds my veins. She nourishes my insides.
When she's gone, and I'm alone
I push that needle, 'til it hits the bone
She comes for me.
She comes.

When she leaves
It hurts like hell. As all my insides
Bruise. Pulsate. And Swell.
And I stare at the empty needle
Wishing she was back inside.
The girl of my dreams.
The only thing keeping me alive.

It Takes the Years Out of You..

It takes the years out of you. To watch. To wait.
To sometimes anticipate
I planted the seed in my arm
Long before, it clasped itself
around my heart

And I woke every morning
My blood a little sleepy
Trying to remember the last ten or so years
It takes the life out of you
When you cant remember the last time
You etched a memory that remained
And wasn't injected away

If only I believed
In time machines. When words arent shaky
Enough to read
The message 'never regret' seems to repeat
How can I not regret
Sucking in the poison
That sleeps my sleeps.
That dreams my dreams?
That kills my peace?

The cordon like arm belt that wraps so tight
Sometimes I forget to take it off before the night
Maybe if my arm drips off
The chemicals will have no way in
But that's, just wishful thinking.

It's a succubus
It's the enemy.
It's taking all the life.
Out of Me.

You must have lost your way...
You promised you'd be here when I awoke
Cause this house is full of empty bottles
And the remnants of who we used to be
When everything was as it seemed
When we were so young. So full of dreams
You must have lost your way.
Yes.

Addict.

How many times must I dream of escaping.
Some self locked prison, where the meth threw the keys away
Off into some ocean, I'd never find.
Never find an exit, of this hell I've created
I was outnumbered, by a crystal army
Of lust, happiness, and bliss.
They shot me down. Every last grain.
Every inhalation another blow
To my brain.

Buried Way Too Shallow

Pressing my palms against her chest
Theres no heartbeat.
I'm such a sucker for girls.
Who wish to drink themselves to death
Throw back the bottles
By midnight it's halloween in the eyes of us
By standers.

Another swig to drown the screams inside her head
It puts them to sleep, if only for an hour
And her skin will hide the fact she's dying
But inside her soul was taken.

"i wanna rest in pieces
You can have my heart and my soul..."
Her hands stay warm. They reach inside me.
They wrap around my heart.

And she gets on her knees.
She pleads. Pleads. Pleads.
"When I stop breathing. Don't kiss me better"
And her arm lifted. I wished her veins would stop leaking.
I knew there would be blood.

Her cuts turned to gray.
The grayest shade of sick. The grip on the bottle lessened
We watched it fall away.
You've found a world now.
Where no body can hurt you anymore.

And she shut her eyes.
The cut on her eyelid weeping tear drops.
I knelt beside her . She wouldn't wake up ever again.
Her body was cold.
Her cheeks like ice.


But her hands wrapped around my heart.
Were always warm.

I feel cheated. They said when I died I'd be able to laugh.
They sewed my lips up, I can taste the blood.
It's like visual cocaine for those watching in.
Eye candy.
Who said you couldn't make an innocent girl
The perfect killer?

The First Cut is Always the Deepest.

Didn't I tell you? The first cut is always the deepest.
But I promise. It hurts more and more.
When the scar tissue wraps tighter. Lick your lips in pleasure.
Oh you will.
Watching your skin rip off, is just the warmest pain
A pretty purple scar, our monetary gain.
Cherry flavored blood. The surprises keep coming.
Don't tell me, this isn't better then your first orgasm.

And society will say. Stop it! Don't hurt yourself.
They'll try to lock you up. Straightjacket. Take away your trusty razorblade.
But don't listen. They're full of lies.
They won't care for you, like your friendly butcher knife.
Will you let them try to tell you how to live your life?


Never tell them our little secret.
When you cut that gash in your arm. Pain is shooting like a star
Happiness is really just a gash away.

And when you come home and feel like crying
Ignore the tears, and give your wrist a slicing

Thank God we know, I suppose. Rather kick the bucket
Than break this heart warming habit!
If only the world knew...
How opening your veins can do so much for you.










lol, today, i must have forgotten to take my sanity pills! what is this!

Audrey Hepburn ... Addicted

Can you count the times, she runs her tongue over her teeth
Bent hips. Cracked lips. She's a regular Audrey Hepburn. So she says, anyway.
She'd kiss you, if you'd let her.
She can't exist anymore'. Ignore her.
Today, it's just the way the medication makes her.
If she dares tell you she's bipolar
Just laugh politely. Agree.
She'll kick you straight in the stomach.
Searching for her youth. She'll tell you anything but the truth.
Your heart is a joke to her.
It's only an organ' she'll whisper.



But for some reason I cant take my eyes off her
Something about insane girls makes my blood run warmer.

The First Time You Have to Relax!

her footsteps echoed. shaking the foundations
of her crimson ballet shoes
She dug her heels in deeply, and gripped her nails tight
her palms becoming sweaty, but hanging onto her knife

the door creaked open slowly
her heart thumped in her ears
her veins pumped her bleeding around her arteries fast
As she threw that butcher knife
Threw it quicker then her last

It hit
And blood, kind of went everywhere
Back and forth. It even hit the walls
Splattered motionlessly.
Made a pretty picture.

One down. A few couple of hundred million to go.
She'll make them all pay.
She'll make them pay for her pain.

You know who you are.

Please ask your veins to stop leaking.

Their Precious Complexions Will Turn To Rotting Flesh

her heart beat a tattoo in her chest
as the butcher knfie shined under the light
drops of crimson highlighted on its shiny silver
that left her with a shiver
she stared at his body, limp, lifeless. his eyes clouded
with the fear of God
Her stomach ached a little;
Her bloodsteam pulsed like shockwaves
Sending her arms shaking.
And the knife more inviting.
Her tender cheeks turned the colour of pale
Pink cheeks now bloodstained
And a hint of regret, but *****. It was better then anything.
Better then an orgasm!

She stared, a tiny smile formed her glossy lips
as she wiped her bloody hands on her fine hips
Applied her mascara, and gently
Wrapped his body. Up. In the prettiest lace.
And gave him one last kiss on his face.

With that dull ache still between her legs
And fear of the unknown; she ran for home.
And layed in bed. Quiet & alone.
Her insides rotting away;
Her heart just about to burst.
One day women will become monsters.

Strung Out

we just glitter. ignore the glare from the streetlight.
her lips, so chapped. you can almost see the blood
How hard she is biting down on her tongue
They took the sparkle from her eyes
Used it as the match to set her on fire

Stomach bursting. Cells exploding. Floor shaking
A broken syringe. Its reusable though.
And her long her brushes against her collarbones
Which begin to ache
Yesterday happened. But what in it
Raped Raped Raped.
Probably. But she had a shot before work
A little lemon with a twiste of vodka
It hurt, it burnt
But oh it felt so good!

Theres some scars up her arm
Cant remember from when or where
Maybe it was a razorblade? Or a butcher knife? Or a Friend.

I'll Call Her Audrey

the raindrops falling from her eyes
soaks the makeup she uses to hide
everything she has locked inside
and we look to her heart and attempt to pride
its secrets away
as she sips her champagne
and leaves the lipstick on the glass
its blood red.
so full of life
without it shes so drained
without it we can see her pain

the waterproof mascara begings to trickle
as she rubs her eyes so delicately
with the grace of angel but the anger of the devil
they both take a hold of her
Duelling with eachother on both sides of her shoulder
She cant listen to one
And ignore the other
So she drowns another glass
And sits alone in the dark

She traces every bone structure
Her collarbone, her hips
She runs the tiny razorblade
Across her soft lips
The blood looks black only in the dark
But darkness or night
Its black like her heart

Nictone fix and a drop of a pill
Another cask of whine
She can only sit still
And we wonder
We wonder why

Show Girls

And they smile like mannequins
Their lips shimmering like diamonds
And you'd never know
The gun they have held to their back
So they stand up straight
Because life is perfect
Life is so well
This is life as a Hollywood Girl

They hide the cuts on there arm
So cleverly as the camera flashes
Lighting down their perfect skin
Hiding away t heir tragic sins
And their hair glides across the air
In slain perfection
As their fans look at them
With such deep affection

But when they go home
And they lay all alone
Cut themselves only to bleed lipgloss
They wonder what it is they want
Well i'll never be as pretty as you
So they paint their faces with shades of grey
Because thats how they feel inside
And these lives of these showgirls
...They all just lied

I Can Bleed Lipgloss I bet You Can't!

Well, she'd rather bleed lipgloss
But who could blame her
She used to be so beautiful
Bone structure that screams to be felt
Living in some fake euphoria
With boys that tell her they love her for her

Shes just a little piece of garbage
In some precious glitter box
Drowning in her memories
Of a world she wishes she forgot

Well no emotion can escape her face anymore,
really
Underneath the snow white concealer
If only it could conceal her insides she dreams
Thankgod its only her outside we can see

But, when tears glass her eyes
Thats when you get a glimpse of her inside
Even her bloodstream flows with a touch of despair
Just waiting to escape, with the next artery she tears

Well, when she cries she still looks prettier then most
And i guess thats all this world cares about
Who cares if you cut your life short?
As long as you leave a beautiful corpse.

she ran her teeth over her lips
pressing down to draw some blood,
and it dripped motionlessly, like
Her heartbeat.

Her fangs pressed neatly
Into the corner of her mouth.
Just like a pretty picture,
Drawn by a drug addict, of course.

Her victims lay stunned.
Welcoming death with open arms.
The darkness looking so inviting.
An escape from this pain.

Mummy when I grow up I wanna be a heartbreaker"
Quit wearing your skin like its too tight.
You re not a KEnnedy
You'll never kiss the cheeks of heroes
Dreams to be some army of personalities, which the world couldn't resist.
You're bleak bleak bleak .

Oh how I celebrate this mediocracy
Itsv been close to weeks, months maybe years
Since this needle has left my arm.
Its making my blood a little sleepy, I think my heart forgets to beat sometimes, but only sometimes.

Its paranoia of voices.
From the inside, the outside, its harder to decipher now.

This chemical army is more then kind to my happiness bubbles...they explode at a rate god never intended for us.

I wish I wish I wish I denied.
Cause since the first hit.
I've been dead inside.