i feel weighed down inside
by all that is you
in all the depth of soul that
penetrates through
this connection between us two
immeasurable by any imagination
without you is how i disappear
you unbalance me, you
i don't know
im confused.


i can light my cigarettes
purely
from the sparkle in your eyes
i can
close the curtains
and lock the doors and it will
still look like morning light
with you at my side
people are capable of such... things
you'll soon find
you make your own stars you know
from the inside


can you see i'm disorderly;
so god damn confused
i have no idea how i ever was anything at all
ever
before you?

outside the window. it's cold.
its getting so cold at night...
rubbing the sleep out of my eyes
but my bones didn't get any
dreams last night
instead I lay staring
into the scenery outside
and felt that usual nausea
when it was morning light

as all four seasons pass once more
i feel every flower bloom
and the winter aches and sores
and in summer the nights don't stay long
daylight wakes up early
But it never rises before me
then in spring the clock winds back
i think i know what they call me
an ...insomniac?

its cherry blossom season, its come once again
The buried bodies under them...
Their blood makes them ruby red
and my bottles of empty wine,
my sanity, my control,my medicine for the night
And i'll swallow myself sick
To take the loneliness away
Because in the night it hurts..
and the cruelty of lying alone;
well, it couldn't get much worse
There's something about how darkness fills the
gaps of emptiness more; it's thicker
somehow; the spaces between us


She's full moon once again
Luna, she's so pretty
Through these hazy darkened hours
She is my only company
But a part of her is always hidden away
Like all of us, in our own way
The moon likes secrets
And i've confessed all i can say
But hers...she keeps quiet
She's more of a listener, who patiently
provides the only light.
Night after endless night; she's the
one who waits by my side


'cause when it's time to close your eyes
my broken mind just cannot find
a dream to hold onto, and let me try
to give my tired organs a break from life
and theres voices screaming
But i'm beyond the point of feeling

if you feel you are losing your soul, then
you still have a soul left to lose
well for me my soul has no use! if life
your just barely existing
so exhausted you can't see, hear
or feel
you can't keep up with other's words
or try to plant your feet in their
world
a million veils away from the warm
hands of another
and if they grabbed mine then i'd hold so
tight their wrists would surely break
but i know with every night that passes
the further you slip away

The body; its immunity
It doesn't serve you well
All the prescriptions in the world
Can't save your mind from itself
with every night that passes
my mind cops another contusion
every slight glimmer of hope -
doctors, pills the rest
it's only another illusion

I've read Sylvia Plath 'til my eyes burn red
and finished too many bottles to rest
my weary head
and the tremor, the sadness,
the emptiness inside
confusion, and loneliness
years of my life, lost to
meaningless time

when sleep is nowhere to be found
the clock gets louder; it's torture!
That sound.
A sickness so cruel, when you're not allowed
to watch your own dreams
and nightmares are dreams too..you know
so theres no doubt; mine came true
and every night out the window i look and wonder
which is darkest, the outside?
or you.

i cant explain what I'm feeling
its nonsense
i know, and the more i try to
find words that resemble it the more
i am thrown
and wondering if this is even real
that all this could happen inside
of you - that you could feel so immeasurably
unsure of what is happening that even the
last 10 years of reading daily has failed to
provided you with a wide enough
vocabulary to possibly turn this into
a formation of words.
I've followed thought streams; down endless tangents until they made no sense. and
still i am left with nothing
they call it alexithymia. i read once. my writing sucks at the moment.

Every chemical element in your body,
apart from hydrogen, came from within a star
some people you would never guess
but with you i imagined nothing less
what shines above us all
shines within
you.
we don't need to turn on any
light
you bring it with you
everywhere you go. like it's
just leaking
straight from your
bones.

morning clouds paint their silver
lining in the sky
the stars fade as the biggest one
steals the night
but see you are still here
thats the beauty in stars
they are always there
but shine
brighter in the dark.
...and i am nothing. any goodness
love, health, light in me
is just you
shining out.

you know that feeling when you
walk down the street and you smell
someones cologne and it
makes you believe for that tiny
moment
that person is them
the warmth and comfort of
sweet memories if you
shut your eyes it is them
right with you
we breathe in their air; their
thoughts their souls
well
shouldn't this be why home
is not a place its a
person because i want
to wake up with that feeling
every morning and
every time i walk out from
the world in the door i want it
to fill my lungs
i want it to take me back
to the first thing i recognised
you by
the incense against your
wrists
and how the cells and your
body made it to mix
everything that you would
be
the strongest of all our
memories.

well that time before dawn
when the sky is the darkest
but from my
insides they could still be
light compared to the darkness
within me
and maybe
everybody

you see what the night does
to you
it makes you believe in illusional
scenarios
all fucking night to stay awake
and dream up mindless combinations of
words to
make up for a total lack of talent
in anything tangible in a
life out there

today i was smoking a cigarette
out on the balcony
over the sea
only me and cherry
and a bird sat on the
ledge
and watched the
sea
with me
and it reminded me
no rather it made me
think
that even birds had to
stop for a
while and rest
their wings.