reading is the only thing that gives me some true escape.. not even drugs or sedation offers me this peace.

i havent unplugged the bath
and let the water dry up
through the drain
'cause you sat in
that water for hours
when it was cold one day
and now the water is like winter
kind of like how
it feels
without you.

i swear when i turn over on
the pillow when the sun sometimes shines
i can smell your sweet scent
and your fingertips running up my spine
we drew tattoos with our hands
across every contour
i know it's only a hallucination
...and i sink into my mind
Just so I can feel those imprints
one last time

i remember how you would save
the last drop of your tea
because you knew how much that
last bit of sugar would
taste so sweet to me
and you'd leave me a rolled up
cigarette
even if it was your last
those nights we stayed awake
making our own light in the dark
Reading Plath
and Bukowski, exchanging dreams and all those
hidden secrets buried of me

our song was just the sound of
nothingness...and a whisper you repeat
every morning to me 'this is
how it's all supposed to be..'
this is how that constantly searching soul
finally feels complete

it was all luminescent, so disreal
seasons passed by unknowingly
but the flowers you would bring me
reminding that it was spring
and your shoulder blades began sticking out
as if they would grow into wings
...and it seems in summer time
they finally
did

Where the hell have you been?
My bones and my thoughts have become
miserably displaced
I'm lost without you
Frayed fabric; my light has all but
vanished
but I reflect in you
Because you are the stars in me
and a love like you
who burned always so bright
could light up the
whole night
sky.

of course its highly confusing
to have thoughts cross over one another
then run in and drown out each other
have them yell at you from the back
of your mind
then break your concentration

i don't wanna be chemically restrained
any more, you understand?
i miss reading Plath and not spilling
every coffee in my shaking hands

And it's all evaporating
the contents of my personality
My soul. My constraints. Everything in
Me.

i'm spoiling the life you
have made for us
soon i know
you'll have enough
and the words aren't forming
the lines between reality
are falling
im tired of trying
to live in this world of yours
when the one inside my head
makes sense to me more.

those shooting stars
it was just angels were throwing their
cigarettes under their
arms

life is so strange
when everyone is a stranger
and I've got marks from where
you tried to strangle her
but it was all in love
...see I know you. I know what makes you
convulse in emotion and burst inside
so it turns black and blue
it matches the burns from old smokes
I
dotted my hips with when it was
cold
and those angels whispered to me
don't worry you're never alone

that familiar nausea empties it's
contents right through me
I exist; that is all
and it's sickening...
particles of the world, they collapse
into me
and i can't run. I'm tied down
There is nothing left
I'm devoid of even the faintest
sound
...so I always trace the scars
you gashed into her wrist
When every morning rose
and your skin screamed out to be
sun kissed
it was heaven when the rays
burnt blisters into your bones
...'cause then she couldn't feel the
inflammation from the knocks
it was more the shakes and little
reaction to pain

one night i am hiding underneath
the bricks of my house
and i hear an angel whisper
run.. anywhere, just..go ... get out
and voices in my head they echoed in the
air
and what they tell me; i just have to do...
the swelling cramped my legs
and i kept running towards the moon
i am finally freeing her, from the torment
the sickness
those rotting rooms
i'm bandaging up my broken skin
that the bruising has tattooed

so in my broken mind I guess I will
find
a rhyme to get me through the time
and a knowledge to know
that it takes 7 years for completely new
cells to grow
so some seasons will pass by
and i'll remind myself just as much
soon i will grow into a body
that you have never touched

and in the sky; all around me
shooting stars fell aplenty
those angels are smoking again
and they've lighten up a new
world for me.

I swear she had nerve endings longer then
her limbs
and I can't stand to see a set of hips
That I can't touch, or feel
Or miss

her hands were cold. So I shut the
Bedroom window
But it was just because
She had no blood flow
but she kept pulling me back to the sea
on high tide she would escape
then in the moonlight come back to me

i wanna swim in your veins
... push myself through the river
of broken arteries
but I'm stuck, I can't get inside
...cos your blood has all but dried
sometimes having the heart of a starfish
isn't enough to get you by

but I can never deny
... I know that now you can never cry
it's cause you have a starfish heart
and i will cut you in two
because i know another starfish
will grow anew

if i try this trick
again and again
maybe it will create a pair of hearts
to repair all your broken arteries
fill them with blood
and make your veins
Overflow and flood

I'm a sucker for girls with frozen palms
With icicles on the love lines
...cause I need to be burned
To feel half-way alive

what...you want to run away
Just 'cause your feeling a little strange?
I don't want to settle.
It's not in my veins
I want someone to unbalance me
put glow pens through my arteries

i want her to give me kisses
with razorblades
under her tongue. because i like
the taste of broken blood
and maybe i just want a piece of her
in me
so i can feel as though i am just
slightly functioning


what your hearts not beating?
i promise its only from the cold
i've never met a set of hands
that provide me with so much life
and its so odd when you sit back
and it comes to your mind
How can you breathe into another
so much hope
when you are left with none
of your own.