in the flood gates, shut my eyes
the well in the back of my mind
that stores my darkest thoughts
and releases them at the same time
every night
about 3:20am; when the sky is its darkest
there's no hint of sunlight,
Or particles of lightened morning
sky

and i feel the hemispheres of my brain
tormenting each other and I'm sitting at the
front of my mind
Listening to them annihilate other compartments
of my personality
which were born fragmented
and i want to get a thought in, maybe ask
a question
I'm just a spectator at my own thinking
which is dark, poison and most probably deathly

somebody rip these organs right out
of this tired skin that holds them
in
im tired of words wrapping around my veins
and bleeding me dry
as i lie awake
night after night
champagne glass after sleeper
after sedative, after tranquilliser
the thoughts never stop I'm miserably
displaced
im tired honestly.
im 21 and I'm already exhausted; i feel
like I've already seen a million
demons and
faced my own hauntings
I've got no lifeblood, Im sick I'm
empty
im
I'm such a god damn
mess

there was something about how he made my coffee;
every morning caffeinated; extra shot
to counteract the drugs; the sedation; the
restless spot..
turquoise eyes, i swear yeah, i know they
don't exist; but through
my mind;
maybe I'm colour blind
but they were teal, turquoise, blue
every colour; they change, i swear
beautifully too
warmth, where are you? i need you
so much now... and my stomach is
sweetened by hot coffee
but I'm still cold; the rest of me
my soul is tired, exhausted
i can almost hear it crying
and the violent waves of emotion
are nauseating and horrifying
but he makes my coffee beautifully; it maybe
the only sunshine in my day,
the warmth I'm searching for so desperately
is heated by warm liquid; but it never stays
I want someone to take them with me
Just take me away; to leave,
erase
if he makes my coffee every morning; like this
undamaged, warm, maybe he feels sorry for me
and that is why he will stay
Somebody wrap their arms around me and
for God's sake
warm me from the outside in
I need warmth
its not
fucking
coming
from
within

like, you know that feeling when your
skin literally feels too heavy
for your bones
for your dreams
your mind feels too heavy
to ever live up its hopes
and you spend half your time
resisting the urge
for suicide
and the other half
struggling with the guilt
of
possibly
thinking
such
horrific
things
you know that feeling when your
stomach resists every possible
pill
liquor
emotion
when time is accelerating; yet
you're still stuck in slow motion
im confused
by this, by God, by myself, by
you words, voices, earth, sunshine,
night, days no point in continuing
its all a
world you're just pushed into when they
say your of age
and you never find yourself
You disappear more everyday.

there is an outline of a man
always by my side
when I lay my head at night;
I feel the other side of the pillow sink,
As if it absorbs the words
That he thinks
Theres an hollow beside me;
an outline which needs filling in
He has the artery
And I have the vein
and in 7 million people, I’m
yet to find blood the same

But to just deny the existence
of Love
or expect it to never come
will break up your fibres of
delicate innocence;
and replace it with bleakness,
coldness and numb

Love is in all forms -
God, spirit and wine
- but I wish,
I could fill this hollow
man in.

i thought you opened the curtains
at sunrise (way too early)

….’why won’t you let me sleep?’ i was still so tired.

Not ready to wake up.

Then I rolled over, and the curtains were still shut;

turns out it wasn’t the sunrise; it was

the

glow

of

you

it was all your sunshine

You are the morning light

Oh god, I will wake up for you.