i'm tired, no ... not sleepy
resting my head won't help me
it's an exhaustion that isn't
defined by the words to
articulate life
it sits in my stomach
and isn't even soaked up by
the beautiful
light...
i know even my normal motions
are slow and displaced
i count myself ready out of bed
each day
set my alarm well before six
because it takes me so long to
grow the guts to just
exist




My stomach aches, my legs cramp
my nerves burn me
but it's the only level of
feeling
my body can seem to create
i feel like i'm on some medicine
that has turned this gorgeous world
into a rotten waste

and my mind; which use to read, and study
and write
can no longer put two words in a row
a page would take a week to even read
...not to absorb though
I don't even have the feelings to hate
myself
or try to end my life
I'm convinced I deserve this suffering
and to leave I have no right
It's not pain; agony, I don;t know
there's no words that are right
it's just exhaustion
that isn't restored by a long
dreamy night
confusion on not knowing
what is not real and what
is right.