i can't stop them, silence them inside

without having one hand shaking around

the butcher knife

most of the time I don't know who I want to

hurt more; myself or them; but I can't

catch them they disappear from my periphery



[sometimes] I put razorblades under my tongue

and hope they will try

to kiss me

but I just end up swallowing blood along with all the

words they stop me speaking



[sometimes] I think medicine would be better then this

a sleepy comatose in pharmaceutical bliss

I can't seem to find the right line



[sometimes] I have to hold down on my brachial artery

to check it is still moving

As if it believes you're still alive

I'm still waiting for it to prove me otherwise

[sometimes I can't stop them I can't silence them]

and that sometimes

is

now