Sweet Weakness.

I'm trying.
I'm trying to see that silver lining.
I'm drawing the images in my mind
Of the door to escape into another time,
When my blood wasn't synthetic,
and my heart beat for the fun of it.
When sunlight used to nourish my skin
...memories.

It looks after me like an angel.
And I alone slain my whole family.
My life. My dreams; My insides.
The elixir of the veins.
So when I just forget to breathe
I hear it scream! Oh the need.
The need to grip that syringe
And push it so deep even my bones
Bruise.

It wraps it's arms around my arteries
Like a blanket when the windows fog up
In the cold. It gives warmth into every
Fibre of my body. It breathes life
Back into me.

And as my lungs fill up with pain.
I can't exhale, I can only take in more
Of everything I want to be.
Well I'd rather bleed then be without it.
The people out my window look in at me with
Sympathy.

I'm getting sicker. I rub my arm so the pain
Will go away. From the infection
This needle stabbing into the crease like a blade.
Every morning with the taste
Of sick down my throat.
Everyday I lower the casket deeper
Filled with the parts of me that still have life.

Oh I wish God denied.
Use once and destroy.
Use once. And say
Goodbye.